How to shower...
How to shower like a woman:1. Take off clothes and place them in a sectioned laundry basket according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to the bathrooom wearing a long dressing gown (if you see Husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas)
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror. make mental note to do more sit-ups, leg lifts etc.
4. Place bath mat on the floor and get in shower.
5. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
6. Wash your hair once with cucumber and ylang ylang shampoo with 43 added vitamins
7. Wash hair again to make sure its clean.
8. Condition hair with grapefruit and comfrey specially enhanced conditioner.
9. Wash face with crushed apricot facial exfoliant for 10 minutes until red.
10. Wash entire body with gingernut and jaffa cake foaming body wash.
11. Shave armpits and legs
12. rinse conditioner off hair
13. turn shower off
14. squeegee water off all surfaces
15. spray mould with tile spray
16.get out of shower.
17. Dry with towel the size of a small country
18.Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
19. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. if you pass your husband ensure all exposed areas are covered.
20. Use body moisturiser, after shaving balm, face moisturiser, eye cream and neck cream.
21. Get dressed.
How to Shower like a man...
1.Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave in pile on floor
2. walk naked to the bathroom. if you see your wife on the way shake willy at her making 'woo woo' sounds.
3. Look at manly physique in the mirror. admire size of willy and scratch your bum.
4. Get in shower.
5. Wash face and armpits using any available shampoo or soap.
6. Blow your nose with your hands and let the water rinse them off.
7. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
8. spend the majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
9. Wash bum, leaving pubes on the soap
10. Wash your hair
11. Make a shampoo Mohawk
12. Wee
13. Rinse off and get out of shower.
14. Fail to notice puddle of water because curtain was hanging out the bath the whole time.
15. Admire willy size in mirror again
16. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
17. Return to bedroom again. if you pass wife, pull off towel, shake your willy at her and make 'woo woo' sound.
18. Throw wet towel on bed.
19. Get dressed
posted by jodes da princess @ 11:18 AM
3 Comments:
pretty much. sometimes (rarely) I get a woo-woo back.
very inightful description of the male condition.
It would be interesting to see the relative periods of time spent doing these activities too. For example:
Women
1. Take off clothes- 10 minutes
3. Look in mirror- 30 secs looking, 5 minutes crying
5-13. The shower- 45 minutes
14-21. After shower care- 45-60 minutes
TOTAL- approx 2 hours
Men
1-3. Combined activity involving getting undressed, walking and looking in the mirror- 2 minutes
4-13. The shower- 5-10 minutes (for a good clean)
14-19- After shower care- 6 minutes
TOTAL- approx 15 minutes
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