The Green Godess

How to shower...

How to shower like a woman:

1. Take off clothes and place them in a sectioned laundry basket according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to the bathrooom wearing a long dressing gown (if you see Husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas)
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror. make mental note to do more sit-ups, leg lifts etc.
4. Place bath mat on the floor and get in shower.
5. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
6. Wash your hair once with cucumber and ylang ylang shampoo with 43 added vitamins
7. Wash hair again to make sure its clean.
8. Condition hair with grapefruit and comfrey specially enhanced conditioner.
9. Wash face with crushed apricot facial exfoliant for 10 minutes until red.
10. Wash entire body with gingernut and jaffa cake foaming body wash.
11. Shave armpits and legs
12. rinse conditioner off hair
13. turn shower off
14. squeegee water off all surfaces
15. spray mould with tile spray
16.get out of shower.
17. Dry with towel the size of a small country
18.Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
19. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. if you pass your husband ensure all exposed areas are covered.
20. Use body moisturiser, after shaving balm, face moisturiser, eye cream and neck cream.
21. Get dressed.


How to Shower like a man...

1.Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave in pile on floor
2. walk naked to the bathroom. if you see your wife on the way shake willy at her making 'woo woo' sounds.
3. Look at manly physique in the mirror. admire size of willy and scratch your bum.
4. Get in shower.
5. Wash face and armpits using any available shampoo or soap.
6. Blow your nose with your hands and let the water rinse them off.
7. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
8. spend the majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
9. Wash bum, leaving pubes on the soap
10. Wash your hair
11. Make a shampoo Mohawk
12. Wee
13. Rinse off and get out of shower.
14. Fail to notice puddle of water because curtain was hanging out the bath the whole time.
15. Admire willy size in mirror again
16. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
17. Return to bedroom again. if you pass wife, pull off towel, shake your willy at her and make 'woo woo' sound.
18. Throw wet towel on bed.
19. Get dressed

posted by jodes da princess @ 11:18 AM 3 comments

tommorow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow

Me and jon have been thinking about adding to the family lately. first stop will most likely be a little lamb to add to the farmyard (formerly known as a garden), as long as its safe and humane to keep one in the space we have!

But after that we may move on to humans. we've been chatting with friends about the ethics of childbearing, and the dilemmas of it all. having a baby is a big ecological and ethical consideration for us. by having a baby (as in making one of our own via a special cuddle) we are doubling our carbon footprint, and bringing a person into a world that is not always a nice place.

But on the other hand, we could birth a little eco-warrior who leads the way for millions to follow with her wit and wisdom (mothers side) and prophetic legend tendencies (fathers side), oh, and she'd be stunning too.

we've been thinking more and more about adopting. we have friends that foster, and it is heartbreaking to hear stories about these little babies that are so badly treated. and it makes me want to adopt. there are loads of children on the earth already that need parents, is it better to adopt?

but then on the other hand, I physically long to be pregnant and have the whole mess of birth and all that jazz. I dont think having a baby is a bad thing at all, its just what is best for us?

At the moment, we're sold on having a natural child and then adopting, but then are we taking a risk on our first child by bringing in a potentially messed up second child into the family? or would an adopted child benefit from having extra one on one time before our second is born? or maybe its better to bring an adopted child into an already stable environment. see the dilemmas?!

obviously this is an immensley personal decision, and it may just be taken out of our hands (we're not that careful with contraception!) and theres no guarantee I'm not infertile, you never know till you try. But I'm interested to know what other people think. and, obviously, we cant make any big decisions without submitting them to the blogging community!

posted by jodes da princess @ 3:13 PM 14 comments